


Scars

by dontletyourheartdistractyou



Category: The Creatures (Youtube RPF)
Genre: Aleks is kind of a badass, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Eddie and Aleks are like brothers, Kevin and Aleks are observant, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, and kind of douchebags, but he's broken too, while everyone else are oblivious idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 04:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4691384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontletyourheartdistractyou/pseuds/dontletyourheartdistractyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aleks wouldn't be the first person to admit feelings to anyone, especially to himself, but when in came to moments like this, he couldn't help himself.</p><p>(In which Eddie leaves, Aleks is broken and Kevin just wants to help.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Wattpad Note: Before you read this, I would like to inform everyone that this is my first Creatures fanfic, despite being in the fandom for (according to Tumblr) about four or five months. It's also the longest fanfic I've ever written, at over 4000 words.
> 
> This is probably going to be an OOC as fuck story, but since the dialouge isn't really that important till near the end, it's not that big of a problem. It's also got a rushed ending but I honestly couldn't be bothered to write this anymore.
> 
> Couple of things to note are that I have no idea how the office is set out, so the offices are placed randomly, and this kind of acts as if Kevin joined before Sly left.

Aleks wouldn't be the first person to admit feelings to anyone, especially to himself, but when in came to moments like this, he couldn't help himself. He knew for a fact that no matter how hard he denied it, no matter how hard he shoved the panic away, no matter how many times he tried to lock away his thoughts, they would come back, so what was the point?

Aleks missed Eddie. A lot. It wasn't just the normal feeling you would get when a friend leaves, it was way, way worse. He, as much as he felt guilty about it, relied on Eddie for help. When those times came when he would just want to curl up in the corner and cry, when the nightmares woke him and all he could do was scream, when the stress took over and all he could do was sit there, lifeless, Eddie would always bring him back to life. Hug him, laugh for him, at him, with him, it didn't matter. Eddie would always be there to save him.

He loved Eddie like a brother, tried to care for him as much as he could, and seemingly that wasn't good enough. There was a good reason of course for his leave, but Aleks was bitter. Misery filling him, the several beers he had drank earlier not taking effect at all. He could still feel the pain, stabbing him, memories of Eddie flashing through his mind. He didn't want to lose Eddie, but he already had.

This had, of course, made him fall back into his old routine. Eat, sleep, edit. He rarely went out with the others, and they barely seemed to noticed. He would sprout excuses, they would take them. No questions asked.

He would cover up the dark under his eyes with makeup, the scars on his left wrist - which were ever growing with every day that passed - with long shirts and hoodies, the sadness in his eyes with fake, strained smiles. He was falling apart, the effort of hiding it pilled onto the rest of his problems, but not one noticed. The brunette knew he was a good actor, he had known that for years since his friends never saw through the lies he constantly told and never realised the time he spent 'editing' was in fact time spent sobbing under the sheets and never questioned the specks of blood on the sink that he got from 'shaving'. But, anyone would think, that if you are good friends with someone, you would be able to read their every expression, their every word, every action, but either the others were too oblivious or Aleks was too good at hiding his emotions.

Only one person seemed to see past the facade - Kevin. Whenever Aleks arrived late, explaining that the 'traffic was bad', as bandages soaked up the blood that flowed from his wrists, Kevin would stare at him, eyes ever searching, never speaking, but his concern was obvious. Whenever Aleks declined their invitations to go out, stating that he had some videos to work on, when all he really wanted to do was go home and cry, remember the times when he had someone there for him, Kevin would speak softly, ask if he was sure, and then handled him with care. Whenever Aleks would start to loose his breath in the corner of his office, Kevin would be there first, worry evident in his eyes, and Aleks would grin back, trying to swallow the panic rising up in his throat.

No one, not even Eddie has seen through his mask. In fact, it was an accident that Eddie ever found out.

{-}

_Two years earlier..._

Aleks slumped back against his chair, running his fingers through his hair and gripping tight to the brown locks. "Not again," he muttered through his short breaths, trying his best to slow them, and not succeeding. What the hell had his Doctor said? "Try and focus on something that makes you happy. What you do for fun? Your friends? Anything that makes you feel better."

His mind flashed to playing with Eddie, laughing together, shouting at him, and he relaxed a little, but his breathing nearly stopped all together when his mind went to them playing games together.

His channel. His fans. Editing. Trying his best to please them. Trying his best to please him. He was such a disgrace. He couldn't even get over one silly thing. Everybody would hate him for this. His throat started to tighten, and a sharp pain in chest appeared.

All of a sudden, loud steps could be heard coming down the hallway towards his room. "Hey, Aleks!" The brunette could recognise that bubbly voice from a mile away.

The Latino barged into the room, flailing about excitedly. "I just-" Eddie's eyes widen, and he was met with his best friend lying lifeless against his chair, grasping at his hair and loosing his breath.

"Aleks!"

{-}

From that day forth, Aleks had told Eddie everything. The panic attacks that came from years of worrying about everything and everyone, the stress from looking after a channel and attempting to keep the 'nobs' happy, the cuts that littered his arm from all the bullshit his life had put him through. Eddie became his anchor that day.

But he still hadn't seen it before, and Kevin had. Aleks didn't understand how he even saw through his cold exterior. No one could be that perceptive, it took years for even the doctor to see what the problem was with his patient.

Aleks stone cold heart warmed slightly when he thought of Kevin's pitiful gazes. Aleks hated those feelings inside of him, hated the way he would tarnish Kevin, hated the way those feelings probably would never be returned, but seeing someone look at him like that, as if he was important, as if he mattered, it was something Aleks treasured. But he couldn't help but think of how one-sided this whole thing was.

Aleks sighed, resting his head against the window, looking out at the stars. Maybe things would be better this week.

{-}

Things weren't better the next week. James decided it was 'make-Aleks-feel-like-shit' week and mocked him not matter what he did. He knew a James was not naturally spiteful, and it was all a game to him, but it made Aleks fill ill, sick on his doubts. Only one person came to his rescue - Kevin. But James didn't take notice, and Aleks spent the next few days feeling like he was going to vomit. The cutting got worse, and the panic attacks hit back harder then ever.

The week after that was slightly better. James no longer belittled him, and he was generally ignored amongst the group. He even felt well enough to participate in one of the movie nights, keeping up with the others and having a few genuine smiles. The cutting continued, but it was less frequent.

The next week everything went to hell.

{-}

The brunette could hear the two arguing through the walls, the sound muffled slightly, but that didn't make it any better for him. He could feel the worry seeping through again.

James and Seamus argued a lot, what Aleks sarcastically called 'lover's spats', but he knew Seamus' fierce attitude was layers of hurt from Eddie leaving, and that James was not so happy with the fact that the guy he loved pined after another man. He didn't understand why Seamus had to show his resentment through biting sarcasm and he didn't understand why James had to show his jealousy through stinging insults.

Aleks would usually sit there, listen in horror to the words that flew between the two, his panic growing, until it stopped, soothing words told to them by one of the others. But not today. For once in his life, Aleks was ready to stop the arguing, to rebuild the ruin that was James and Seamus' relationship. For once, Aleks wasn't going to stand by idly. He had no idea where this strength had come from, but he suspected that he was just sick of hearing argument after argument about stupid petty things that no one really gave a shit about.

He stormed through the halls, locating the voices at the stream room. He stomped past every office, flying past Spencer, Joe, Dan, Jordan and finally... Kevin.

Aleks saw him look up, surprise in his eyes as he watched his usually quiet friend rush through the office, anger in his eyes, fists clenched, lips in a snarl. Aleks had turned almost timid throughout the months since Eddie had gone, usual violent tendencies gone, the spark in his eyes disappearing. But now, Aleks, the real Aleks, had appeared in front of him, and Kevin had no idea how to react. He snapped out of him stupor to see Aleks burst into the stream room. "Aleks!" He called out, but gathered no reply.

James and Seamus both looked away from each other to the door, where a short, annoyed, enraged even, Russian stood and a voice could be heard calling the said Russian's name.

James, still furious, snapped, "What do you want, Aleks?!" He glared at the brunette only to be met with a scary amount of rage and irritation in his friends eyes. He hadn't seen Aleks like this in months, and he gulped under the fiery gaze. Aleks terrified both James and Seamus in this moment, his raw anger flooding the room with a dark atmosphere that the two had not expected.

"What do I want?" Aleks replied, ice present in both his voice and his glare. "I want both of you to shut the fuck up!" He stepped forward, towards the startled blonde first, and Seamus would have nearly tumbled backwards in terror if he hadn't been routed to that spot by his stare alone. "Seamus, I get that your hurt by Eddie leaving, hell all of us are!" His voice rose slightly, and Kevin, who was standing by the door, swore that the voice sent shivers down his spine. If he had to guess, probably all the building could hear Aleks now, not by the volume of his voice, but the way his rage seemed to make the words louder.

The brunette continued, walking right in front of Seamus, staring up into his eyes. "But that doesn't give you the right to treat everyone around us like shit!" The room had gathered an audience now, wide-eyed people standing outside, watching with dread, and Aleks shouted at the blonde. "Guess what? It was Dan's birthday last week. Did you know?" The blonde nods his head clumsily. "Of course you did. After all, we celebrated it together. We all laughed for him, gave him presents, tried our best to give him a good birthday. But what did the almighty Seamus O'Doherty do?"

Aleks laughed bitterly. "He decided to be a complete asshole. You may have given him a gift, but that doesn't suddenly allow you to be a sarcastic idiot on a day like that!"

"Do you know how much Dan does for us? How much he cares for us? He's practically our fucking mother." Aleks can see the agreement in Seamus' eyes, and he's so thankful that he's getting through to him, but he can't stop now. "Seamus, it's not time to suddenly become a lone wolf, we all have problems right now, we all need each other. It's not you against the world, it's us against the world. You don't have to treat us like this, we are here for you, no matter what, okay?" His voice softens, and he lowers his voice so only Seamus can hear him. "And it's alright to cry sometimes, you know. If Sly was here, he would tell you the same."

Seamus' breath hitched slightly when Aleks mentioned the Latino, and Aleks felt a sting of pain as he thought of him. No. Now is not the time. "Seamus," he said keeping his voice down. "He really did love you. He didn't want to leave, I know he didn't. He talked about it with me." He giggled delicately, so only Seamus could only hear him. "He adored you. The thought of leaving you left him in tears. You were the most important person in his life, no matter what anyone says." He took a deep breath as he thought of his best friends smile, the way his eyes lit up when he mentioned Seamus, and he smiled. It was small, but it was still there.

"He didn't want you to get hurt, Seamus. He wanted you to be happy. I know it's hard, but, you know what they say. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. I know Eddie, he will come back for you, whether it's in a month, a year, but he will come back. Eddie isn't one to break his promises. And we do need you. All of us." His eyes flitter to James. "Some more than others. But we need you all the same." The brunette finishes his speech, and looks up to find the blonde staring at him, as if seeing him for the first time. Then the anger fills him again, and he turns to James.

"Now it's your turn." James, frightened into submission, just stands there. "I'm sick and tired of you bringing everyone down. It may just be a 'game' to you James, but it hurts, when people you care about start to tell you just how worthless you are." His voice cracks slightly, but he regains it and continues, pointing at James. "I get it, you're an angry person by nature, but you are definitely not spiteful. You're jealous." He once again lowers his voice. "You love Seamus." James lets the words spill out. "I don't."

Aleks has to smile at that. "Denial," he noted. "I know it hurts, but you can't just continue acting like this. It feels like you're being stabbed, oh, I know the feeling myself," he thinks of that person but shakes the thoughts away. "But you aren't being stabbed, you're just heartbroken. You feel like the worlds betrayed you, and it has. God, it has. But you have to get up. Keep on walking. Forget the pain. It may linger, pain always does." He paused on this, thinking, before looking up at the pain-filled eyes of his friend. "But it leaves. Eventually. I'm sorry Seamus can't love you. I really am. I would love for none of these problems to happen, but they have."

"Seamus loves Eddie, Eddie loves Seamus. I'm sorry James but you just don't fit into that equation. And I'm really sorry to say this, but I don't think you ever will. It's horrible, but..." He trails off. "You have to move on. It's hard, but Seamus needs you right now. He's lost Eddie, and you're his best friend. You and him arguing is not going to help either of you, it's just going to build up layers of anger and after some time you will end up hating him, and he'll hate you. Because you both couldn't get over it." Aleks pats his shoulder, looking at him with such sympathy that James hasn't experienced in a while.

Then, he realises what he's done, shouted at them, pulled apart their feelings, probably made it worse, and suddenly, he can't breathe. He can feel them staring holes into his back, he can feel the pain of the two men in front of him. And he has to leave.

Aleks moved swiftly, barging past the other blocking the door and ran, hearing his friends call his name as he goes.

He doesn't think he can take much of this anymore. He can only hope he helped, and didn't hurt the two even more.

{-}

Aleks didn't show up the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. To say Kevin was worried would be an understatement.

He was usually concerned about his brown-haired - and beautiful, his mind adds - friend, ever since Aleks had turned silent all those months ago, when his usual intense and headstrong attitude has slipped away and the boy he had loved so much had been replaced with a secluded and vacant brunette, who, if Kevin was being honest, he had barely recognised when he saw him again after Sly left.

The change was so quick and sudden, and it hit Kevin hard when he realised what exactly was going on, but he was shocked, furious even, when he saw the blank looks on his coworkers faces when he brought it up. They had pushed it away, excused it, and that enraged Kevin, and he was almost pleased when the others had seen Aleks revert back, tell Seamus and James off like they were children, then comfort them. He was sure they had never seen him like this, so honest but so irritated by the others, and showed how observant he actually was. But it was like they had finally recognised the difference, and he was sure they were closer to getting it now. Well, almost sure.

It broke Kevin's heart to think of Aleks, stubborn, wacky, sarcastic, but equally delicate Aleks, sliding a blade against his wrist, and it made him feel actually sick when he saw Aleks trying to hide it all, behind fabricated smiles which never reached his eyes. Aleks was, in Kevin's eyes, somebody perfect, somebody who deserved the world, and to see him broken like this made him beyond angry. He just wanted to wrap Aleks up in his arms and hide him from the truth. But he couldn't.

And now, Aleks had left to someplace. No one really knew where he was. Everyone had tried to get to him. He wouldn't answer calls, he would answer texts and he wouldn't open his door. So, Kevin decided he would confront Aleks, by his own, and try to get through to him. It wouldn't be that hard.

Right?

{-}

It took several tries to coax Aleks to open the door, and it took several more tries to persuade him to let Kevin in.

His head had poked out through the open gap, almost black circles underneath his lifeless eyes, what he could see of his slight frame seeming even smaller than usual, his hair messy and unkempt, his movements sluggish. His eyes had widened slightly when they saw him, still empty but showing signs of that spark which had once made his eyes so bright. However, his eyes narrowed slightly and he had shut the door in Kevin's face.

Soft words and gentle assurances had been uttered by Kevin, but it took at least a half-an-hour for him to open the door slightly again, and another twenty minutes until he had swung open the door, letting Kevin see the full damage to Aleks.

He had left his body exposed in a large shirt which fell to one side, showing the bones of his shoulder sticking out, his pale skin looking sickly instead of radiant, nd it seemed like he had shrunk, previously only a few inches shorter than Kevin, now there appeared there was a foot difference between them because of his slumped body. He looked delicate, as if one touch could break him, shatter him to pieces, and Kevin's heart broke all over again.

"Come in," he said dully, waving a hand over his shoulder carelessly, but Kevin could hear the bones crack and creak, as if they hadn't been moved for a long time. Aleks took no notice, however, and walked towards the couch, sitting down slowly, wincing as he felt his sore arm brush against the seat.

Kevin closed the door behind him, softly, so not to scare Aleks, and followed in pursuit, hesitantly taking a seat next to the brunette.

"So, what do you need?" Aleks asked, carefully looking away from Kevin, trying to not show emotion. He had expected Kevin to be the first to come to his door, because he knew, or at least he had some idea what Aleks was going through, but he hadn't expected him this early, and the contact was getting to him. He wanted to through himself into Kevin's arms, and just sob, tell him everything, but he couldn't pile all that onto him.

Kevin sighed. "I'm worried, Aleks." The rest of the words went unsaid, but Aleks could hear them clearly. 'You haven't come back to the office, none of us have heard anything from you, you don't answer your texts. What is going on?'

"I know," Aleks said emotionlessly. "You have been worried for a while. I can tell."

Kevin looked at him in surprise, looking even more shocked when Aleks smiled back, even though it was mocking, bitter and not at all friendly.

"You're not exactly discreet, you know. Neither are the others. All of you are easy to read. Or maybe I'm just good at seeing things. I'm not really sure."

"Aleks..." Kevin stared. Aleks had knew, all this time, and he had never come to him, never muttered a word. "You..."

"I noticed it straight away, you know." Aleks said, chuckling slightly, and Kevin froze at that. Why are you laughing? "The day I was late for Creature talk. The others berated me, but you looked at me and it was like... it was like you saw right through me. I knew you had somewhat of an idea. You nearly walked in on me having a panic attack, of course you would sort of get it. But that day. I'm not sure if you noticed how nervous I was, the bandages poking out from my shirt, and the blood that started to seep through slightly, but at least it was something."

"The others didn't notice. I didn't think they would. No one else did. Sly only found out by accident. All because he wanted to show me something." He leaned back slightly, and closed his eyes. "But I'd been hiding it for years and then you come barging in, seeing everything, and I had no idea what to do. Sly wasn't there, I couldn't ask for advice from him, and no one else knew, so, I left it."

He can see Aleks start to shake, and watches his hands clench the seat. "I don't know what came over me the other day. Honestly, I have no clue. I just..." He takes a deep, unstable breath. "I just was sick of it all. The arguing. It want helping anyone. It wasn't helping them. Seamus was getting sadder, James was getting more and more jealous, and in the end, they were both to angry. I... I wanted to help them. Make them see. I think I just made it worse."

"I'm a failure, aren't I?" He laughs brokenly. "I tore my two best friends apart, I alienated everyone. I can barely edit, so that's about all of my subscribers unhappy. What am I going to do, Kevin?"

"Aleks..." He looks up, tears forming in eyes, just quick enough to see Kevin's pity filled face before he's pulled gently into warm eyes, his head resting on Kevin's shoulder. "Don't say that about yourself," he mutters, rubbing at his back. "It's not true. The others don't hate you."

Aleks snorts, his voice filled with sadness. "They may as well, after what I did."

Kevin shakes his head. "They know why you did it. They understand why. They don't know what is going on exactly, but we'll tell them eventually. All that matters right now is you, Aleks. You're perfect. Not a failure. Not in any way."

The certainty in Kevin's voice soothes him slightly, but the doubt seeps. "How do you know that Kevin?"

"Because you're you. Beautiful, brilliant Aleks. Amazing Aleks. Nothing can change that."

The words don't help fully, but he knows that Kevin is just telling him what he thinks, and the thought of him, the guy who he's been in love with for years, thinking that he's worth it, breaks him, and he has to bury his head to hold the tears.

"We'll get through this together. I promise."


End file.
